Washington, DC... Science passed away today after a ruling by the Supreme Court stating birth control equals abortion. The death follows a major illness.
Justice Alito hastened Science's demise. "The owners of businesses have religious objections to abortion, and according to their religions beliefs the four contraceptive methods at issue are abortifacients."
Upon hearing this news, Science went into cardiac arrest at approximately 10 a.m. Eastern Standard time. Despite the best efforts of progressives and liberals at resuscitation, Science flatlined on the table.
